wyntre: (walk alone)
Today I was haunted yet again by a face from my past. As I staired at the screen in class, my vision blurred and there was his face. Clear as the last time I saw him. I wonder thinking back to that day, with his half smile and big hug, if he knew he wouldn't talk to me again. I wonder if he did, and just couldn't bare to say goodbye. I didn't realize how much I would miss him. When he "disapeared" I knew it was because of his new girlfriend. When he stopped talking to me, after she asked him to marry her a sadness creeped in. Then he deleted his fb and defriended me on myspace. Links cut and I'm left empty. I miss his smiling eyes. I wish he was strong enough to tell her that we were friends and that he wouldnt let me go. I wish... I wish he was. But he is not. and today he haunts me. I miss him so. His memory will fade, but never go away. Another one who I guess doesn't need me in his life. I shall go, I know I am not what you need. I hope life is kind, and you get all you dreamed of..

So the next thing on the meme is what I ate today. I eat horribly. When i remember to eat. I love food. I love how the flavor bursts on my toungue, which can cause me to overeat and its funny to think that i forget to eat sometimes. Like today.. I forgot to eat, or drink my breakfast this morning. I didnt eat until after 5ish. I had some dried cranberries YUM YUM. I really couldnt eat in between because i had class and a test. So anyways, I went shopping and picked up some bread and olives. I love olives. I had the cranberries on the way home. When I got home I made myself turkey, tomato, cheese and sprout sandwiches. I had a few of my kalmata olives i bought and some chips with creamcheese. I started watching Dexter, which I'm finding rather entertaining so far. Then my roommate came home with a 6 in tuna sub for me :D So I watch Speedway Junkies and ate that. Now i'm contimplating some ice cream. I really should eat better. I need to pick up some grapes and peaches... maybe some apples lol.

Anyways, I'm still trapped in my sorrow of missing my Chuckley... thats his name, not that you needed to know that.. He was one of my bestfriends...and I think I loved him more than I should have, but I wasn't what he needed. I want to travel and he wants to settle down and have kids... but i really think i was in love with him... maybe thats why he left, too hard to see me.. I miss him so.. As it is with most people I become close to, in the end they go away and I am left here standing wondering what the hell happened, and going on with my shadow to keep me company. i hope my shadow doesnt ever grow bored of me.. lol

4 oclock

Sep. 15th, 2010 04:00 am
wyntre: (Default)
4 o'Clock
4 o'Clock
Never let me sleep
I close my eyes and pray
For the garish light of day
Like a frightened child I run
From the sleep that never comes

4 o'Clock
4 o'Clock
Out of bed I creep
To climb this tower of shame
But the hour's still the same
Only madness knows my name
At 4 o'Clock

4 o'Clock
4 o'Clock
Never let me sleep
I close my eyes and pray
For the garish light of day
Like a frightened child I run
From the sleep that never comes

4 o'Clock
4 o'Clock
Out of bed I creep
To climb this tower of shame
But the hour's still the same
Only madness knows my name
At 4 o'Clock

Why can we never go back to bed?
Whose is the voice ringing in my head?
Where is the sense in these desperate dreams?
Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?

Sure as the clock keeps its steady chime
Weak as I walk to its steady rhyme
Ticking away from the ones we love
So many girls, so little time

Why can we never go back to bed?
Whose is the voice ringing in my head?
Where is the sense in these desperate dreams?
Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?

4 o'Clock
4 o'Clock
Never let me sleep
I close my eyes and pray
For the garish light of day
Like a frightened child I run
From the sleep that never comes

4 o'Clock
4 o'Clock
Out of bed I creep
To climb this tower of shame
But the hour's still the same
Only slumber never came
Only madness knows my name
At 4 o'Clock

Why can we never go back to bed?
Whose is the voice ringing in my head?
Where is the sense in these desperate dreams?
Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?

Sure as the clock keeps its steady chime
Weak as I walk to its steady rhyme
Ticking away from the ones we love
So many girls, so little time

Why can we never go back to bed?

EA is on the brain. Electric currents in the air... another crash of thunder and then the drops of rain hit my window pain. Its like 2ish in the morning. I should be asleep. I should be dreaming of whatever people dream about. Instead, I'm listening to emilie autumn sing, the rain on the sill and the hum of my computer that i really should shut off. The rain is falling harder and I wish my cold would go away. I love the rain. I want to go play in it... but that wouldnt help me get better... plus its cold outside. My brain works funny... pictures in my head. voices screaming out words that dont really make sence in the normal world.
I think i will try sleeping again. Now that its raining it might lull me to sleep.
wyntre: (Default)
Next up is my parents. I was blessed at having amazing parents. Yes we do fight and have our disagreements, but we have been through hell several times and it just brings us closer together. Alot of people don't understand our connection. My parents are my friends. They are my mountains that I cling to when everything else fades away. I know that no matter what happens, what choices I make they will be there to support me.

My Dad is an artist, a rock star and a gamer lol. He has dreads...yeah you read that right. My dad has long hair that now is in dreads. He's retired, but not really. He's in a band playing the bass but he can play almost any insterment you can think of. He has been on a painting kick lately and is amazing. I wish I had his talent in either aspect, but its where i get my appreciation of and art from. We also watch horror movies together. B ones! LOL we also watch the good ones. He's been rocking away since before I was born and will be long after we leave this earth. It is who he is. He has this amazing 12 string guitar that he plays his own songs on along with cover to ones he can remember. He is all self taught and I am very proud of him. He also carves. I have a little snowman he carved and a goddess necklace. He also made me 2 penticals I requested :D One is burned and the other is actually fully carved out. He has a few trees hes made, 3d pictures, angels and other statues. I call him popui. I got the name from Junglebook...its when the little boy is calling for his dad...and it just stuck lol.

My Mom is a florist, herbalist and cook. She is quite amazing as well. She has several of her own gardens and is going to school for her degree in herbalism. She was a florist forever, but now is more on verge of something new. She is always looking for new herbs and healthy stuffs for us to try and treat/cure our illnesses we run across. Most of the time its successful and if its not, she keeps looking. She has created a meat that isnt beef so we won't get ill and can still enjoy hamburgers, spaggettii and tacos etc. She does so much, I wonder where she gets the energy. I watch more "girly" movies with her. Though I do watch a majority with both of them. I share my obsession of movies with them, though sometimes it takes awhile to get them to watch ones they dont like the names of lol.

Both my folks are very openminded and easy going. They have offered their home to a few of my sisters and my friends when they had no place to go. They give with no thought of return. All they ask is for a thank you and respect. As long as my friends respect them, they are welcome there. I even had friends go visit my folks when i was out of the country. I find this funny, but I know how amazing they are and love that my friends love them as much.

I can say without a doubt that my folks love eachother through and through. Someday I hope that I will find something like what they have.
wyntre: (falling to pieces)
Got Love Songs Killing me Away..

So my friend sent me this meme thingy to help me write. The second listing is "your first love"
Its really hard to remember my first love... I think it was water, I loved to swim. I was a fish in water lol. Though I am sure this is not what its asking for. I really love water, the ocean... ah the sea how much i miss thee...
So I have liked alot of guys in my life, as I am assuming this means romantic love. I remember my first kiss, my first french kiss, and the first kiss I actually wanted. Funny enough, the first kiss I wanted is also the first guy I loved. He has a special spot in my heart for always.
He was my best friend, which is funny since we didnt have all that much in common, yet we hungout everyday doing silly stuff. Walking around, talking about everything, drinking coffee it seems small but it was amazing times. I will always remember his blue eyes. The first time i met him, we picked him hitchiking down a very dark road, me and my friends where driving around before a mask party, so here we were with painted on masks, crazy and hyper seeing this young guy walking down the road with a duffel bag. So we pulled over and offered him a ride. It was his birthday and he was walking to his own party. Later we wished we stayed at his party, ours ended up being very very boring so we bailed and roamed around creating our own fun lol. Ah memories. Through a crazy set of events I ended up seeing him again when a group of us went out for coffee. He just sat there stairing, then finally said that he was trying to think of something interesting to say, which made me laugh. It wasnt til almost a year later that we ended up dating. He could make me laugh even when the world was shattering all around me. He had a way of making me feel like I was the only one in the world. He even asked me to marry him. I was in love, but I said no. I wasn't ready for marriage. I wanted to travel, to experience life before I settled down. Alot happened in the next month and he broke my heart. We were young and he was influenced by friends. Circumstances just seemed to go wrong for us and we went our seperate ways.
Funny thing is he showed back up in my life 5 years later. Still in love with me; but I was with a new guy. Now he's married with a kid.
Ahh memories.
wyntre: (Default)
One of my dearest friends switched to DW; so here I am, staring at the blank page wondering what do I say... Well, I'm Wyntre and I suffer from wanting too much out of life. I have a list a million miles long of things I want to do, things I want to see and stuff I want to experience. My obsessions change daily and my love never ends. I collect way too many different kinds of thing. I adore music,books, movies, video games, art, photography etc etc. My life is chaos both on and offline. I've been in school forever, I love to learn new stuff.. but hate when I'm supposed to reguritate information. I think in pictures, yet am not very good at drawing. I love to capture moments; freeze them in time to remember always. I love using my imagination. I love to travel and plan to go to every continent in the world. Already underway. I am an underwater photographer. though am still looking for a good camera to achieve more success in this endevor. I do not care about mondane things like spelling and captializing things.. though I try to anyways so my writing isnt so obscure that its not understood. I tend to go on rants at times and sometimes what i find amazing is something that is just not understood. I suffer from depression at times, and am fairly optimistic for a pessimist. I love to dance, though I dont do it for show, but for my own love of music. If it wasnt for music I prolly wouldnt be alive right now.
But i am, art is the blood of my life and music is the beat that keeps me going! LOL I am sooo rambling.
So I will just end it there.. so until next time Adios

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wyntre: (Default)
wyntre

February 2015

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