Some days I get lost in the past... lost in a loneliness I don't expect anyone to understand. I hear these songs that trigger memories of long ago... sweet words... laced with poison... and now I'm jaded.. this poor heart of mine wants so much to believe in what it seeks... yet the doubt of what I witness every day clouds my mind.. then there are my parents... I watch and hope that someday someone will look at me like that.. and that I can aford to let myself to allow it to be. It seems whenever I start to fall for someone... something happens... and the bubble pops soo soon... and poof they are not what they seemed a moment ago... but the damage is done... and I'm left wondering what the hell just happened. I have been through many different types of hell in my short time on this earth... somehow I was murdered so long ago... I dont remember much... and what I do... i wish to forget... Its like being dead... yet you are not ready to give up quite yet. I am not afraid of dying... I am in no rush most days to die... yet I do not fear it. My worry is that I will finally find what I seek... and it will all end.. but if I just get one moment... I will have that happiness every little girl dreams of. Until then... I will fight the loneliness I feel and continue doing what i am ... seeking out my dreams and trying to make them real. I find people along the way that I can call friend... and I find myself lucky to finally find someone I can connect with. Not just a pretend connect where I understand them... and am left with a mind full and no one to talk to... but ones that listen to my babble as well as letting me listen to theirs... things may be changing... I can only hope..